The one good thing about the Flashpoint movie existing is that now, finally, someone can make an amv about Barry and Iris set to Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.
As an apology for never getting around to reviewing last week’s comics (they’ll be in tomorrow’s post, honest), I come bearing a peace offering:
A full, detailed review of The Flashpoint Paradox, released on video today!
Now, even though Flashpoint itself came out almost three years ago now, many things were changed in the jump to the small screen, so I’m invoking the magical honor system that is the SPOILER WARNING. If you’re planning on getting the movie yourself and do not wish to be spoiled, come back tomorrow for reviews of the Flash, Young Avengers, the Flash annual, the Animal Man annual, and the final issue of Batman Incorporated.
However, if you’re not planning on spending money on a movie made from one of DC’s worst major events in recent memory, read on.
So, I reviewed Flashpoint Paradox over on my actual review blog. It’s…very, very long, detailed, and more than a little snide. If you’re not planning on buying the movie, this is a good post to read.
Did you know Axel showed up someplace other than in Citizen Cold? Woooo one panel wooooo.
From Green Arrow Industries #1 (it was a one-shot)
Really? It’s not even a very good story.
Oh well at least I get my Shazam kids and maybe Element Woman….
SO I GUESS IM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO ENJOYED FLASHPOINT SO OH MY GOD IM EXCITE.
PLEASE LET THERE BE CITIZEN COLD AND DEADMAN AND THE FLYING GRAYSONS. I WILL PAY YOU IN BLOOD FOR THIS
They’re turning Flash Point into a what?
YES PLEASE. I LIKED FLASH POINT.
Okay, here are my issues with this:
- They’re probably just doing the main story, so the best parts (World of Flashpoint, Kid Flash Lost, Citizen Cold) are going to be lost or ignored completely while essential parts that tie closely to the main story, but still aren’t all that good (Wonder Woman and the Female Furies, Emperor Aquaman) will most likely be included.
- Kevin Conroy plays Batman. Bruce Wayne Batman. We all know this. If he’s part of this…on one hand, he could be reprising his role as Bruce at the very end, while on the other hand, DC could be pulling a Michael Rosenbaum on us and having him play Thomas Wayne.
- There are literally hundreds of better Flash-based stories they could have turned into animated movies. The Human Race. Trial of the Flash, if they were determined to use Barry. Or heck, what about Mercury Falling? That would have made an excellent animated movie! But no, they went with Flashpoint. Good call, DC.
- For all my bitching, I’m probably still gonna buy it.
|—||Me, in response to, “Flashpoint, collecting all five issues of the monumental miniseries from writer Geoff Johns and artist Andy Kubert, makes the perfect gift for fans both new and old this year.”|
I cannot be the only one who believes that Father Todd is a Badass Preacher with a shotgun under his altar. Because, you know, it’s Gotham.
Tim Drake gets a crowbar, because he’s that awkward paranoid runaway that hides in Todd’s church and living next to the creepy ass abandoned Wayne manor without any awesome superpowered/alien friends can’t have helped his mental state much.
Also fun with Starfire’s hair. And knowing Tim, he’s the one that probably brought her to the church, injured and half-naked.
"She is our angel."
Father Todd had insisted that they existed, to watch over everyone, even in these times of peril and strife, or whatever. Tim hadn’t been so sure. The Furies were burning Gotham to the ground, bending the steel, turning the stone to rubble.
And then she fell out of the sky.
Face bruised, eyes swollen shut, a gaping stomach wound marring her otherwise otherworldly perfect body, the woman reached a hand out to him.
Tim dragged her to the church on the remains of a tarp, wincing every time she let out a pained moan. Father Todd didn’t even ask, only fetched his first aid kit after putting her on his own bed. It was days before she was conscious long enough to talk. Though he was bursting with questions, Tim started out small.
"What’s your name? Where do you come from?"
She pointed skywards. “I am Koriand’r. I come from out there. Most call me Starfire.”
(derpy fanfic is derpy. In Flashpoint, Kory is a Fury, so if she were to end up in Gotham with the boys, she’d probably have sustained some serious memory damage. Still, this is a neat concept.)
Now shipping Sinestro/Arin.
Seriously, his look of love at first sight was just, hngh.
WHY MUST I LOVE YOU, YOU EVIL PINK MAN
JASON TODD IS A PRIEST
A FUCKING PRIEST
THIS IS A THING NOW
OH FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BE THY NAME
PRIEST!JASON IS A THING NOW AND IT NEEDS TO BE DRAWN
And by rundown, I mean number rating out of 5. Frankly, I’m only going to read the ones that scored higher than 2, just to save myself a lot of time and rage. Why is this not on my actual blog? Embarrassingly, I think more people read my Tumblr.
Whatever Happened to Gotham City?
- Flashpoint: Batman Knight of Vengeance - 1 of 5. It just didn’t grab me. To be fair, most Batman-centric books don’t.
- Flashpoint: Deadman and the Flying Graysons - 2 of 5. It’s more of a Deadman title (whose Flashpoint name should, frankly, be Doucheman), though what we see of Dick and his interractions with his parents is just precious.
Whatever Happened to the World’s Greatest Super Villains?
- Flashpoint: Citizen Cold - 4 of 5. It’s a Captain Cold book. Captain Cold, you guys. Written and drawn by Scott Kolins. Need I say more?
- Flashpoint: Deathstroke & the Curse of the Ravager - 3 of 5. It’s got a nice look to it, and the writing is decent, but it’s a book where Slade actually cares about Rose in a way that isn’t self-serving, and that just isn’t true to his character.
- Flashpoint: Legion of Doom - 3 of 5. Yes, it’s a Heat Wave book. Yes, it had Cluemaster (meaning Steph could possibly exist in this universe?) and Plastic Man at the end. But I don’t know if it can hold up over three issues.
- Flashpoint: The Outsider - 1 of 5. No. Just…no. Nothing really interesting about this book, nothing redeeming. I can live without it.
Whatever Happened to the Aliens?
- Flashpoint: Abin Sur - The Green Lantern - 3 of 5. For too long, Abin Sur has been regarded as ‘that dying purple guy that gave Hal Jordan a ring’. It’s good to see him in a bit of a starring role for once, though I’m fairly sure he’s going to die at the end of his mini.
- Flashpoint: Project: Superman - 1 of 5. Pass. Just, pass. It’s like a Captain America origin story with aliens instead of science.
Whatever Happened to Science & Magic?
- Flashpoint: Frankenstein & the Creatures of the Unknown - 1 of 5. Again, pass. The ‘go to sleep in this year, wake up in this year’ is as reminiscent of a Captain America/Winter Soldier story as Project Superman.
- Flashpoint: Secret Seven - 1 of 5. Couldn’t even finish the first issue. Sorry, but pass.
Whatever Happened to Europe?
- Flashpoint: Emperor Aquaman - 2 of 5. Seeing as the Aquaman/Wonder Woman storyline is a big, big part of Flashpoint, it’s good to see how it all started, and where it’s going.
- Flashpoint: Wonder Woman and the Furies - 2 of 5. See above.
- Flashpoint: Lois Lane and the Resistance - 3 of 5. While I didn’t like the whole ‘kill of Jimmy Olsen in order to bring Lois Lane into the Resistance’ move, the book itself is alright. Um, until that last page. Pouches? Pouches. Pouches!
Everything You Know Will Change in a Flash
- Flashpoint: Kid Flash Lost - 5 of 5. Bless this book. Written and drawn well, good story, the chance that Jenni will be making an appearance…oh yes, this book has done well.
- Flashpoint: The World of Flashpoint - 5 of 5. Okay, it’s a Traci 13 book and will probably have more cameos by affluental magic users. This should be a thing forever.
He Never Got the Ring
- Flashpoint: Hal Jordan - 1 of 5. Damnit, Flashpoint! You spoiled the ending of Abin Sur’s mini. Pass.
That’s my opinion, what’s yours?
His first ever story arc was about a mirror world in which there had never been a Flash and everything falls to shit. What the hell, Geoff?! Flashpoint is literally a giant version of your first Wally West story, only starring Barry Allen! Oh, but here’s the big crucial difference:
In Wonderland (the trade I’m reading), Jay Garrick’s accident doesn’t turn him into the Flash, and then he dies in World War 2. Barry is never hit by lightning, and Wally is a schoolteacher in Blue Valley.
In Flashpoint, Barry is never hit by lightning, Jay apparently never existed, and Wally is…Piper?
I think Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E. and Superman: Secret Origins are honestly the only things written by Geoff Johns that I can look at now and go, okay, these are pretty good. His JSA run was good at some points, but iffy at others. It’s that damn Jordan boy. Ever since Geoff started hanging around with him…aah, but you can’t tell people who they’re allowed to fall in love with, so why bother complaining?
This is from the FCBD Flashpoint Preview. I am hoping this isn’t supposed to be who I think it is.
I-is that Jenni Ognats? O_O
I believe it is, that looks like her costume (kinda) and has a Legion belt. That definitely looks like it’s suppose to be her… but she’s all white washed and colored wrong…what the hell?! Also (this is more petty and insignificant in comparison but) I’m wondering were Bart is. This is suppose to be his whole family (including a miss colored Jenni) but apparently Bart doesn’t count.
Bart’s supposed to be missing so maybe that’s why he’s not in this picture.
But EW do not want whitewashed Jenni. Goddammit DC, first the Reyes and now this.
Ah! That explains it (I haven’t actually gotten my hand on any of the books yet unfortunately T-T).
I’m really, really hoping that the white wash Jenni is just a big mistake and won’t happen again. Please, please, please don’t let it happen again. DC why do you have to do shit like this? T-T
When I first read this preview, I was standing in front of the comic store. I threw the issue on the ground, yelled “What the fuck, DC?! That is not Jenni!”, then got really flustered, picked up the comic, dusted it off, and snuck away to my bike because like 50 people watched me freak.
This had better be an accidental miscolor, like Anita was that one time, or my ring shall glow red.
DC COMICS PRESENTS: IMPULSE #1
Written by TODD DEZAGO
Art by ETHAN VAN SCIVER, WALTER SIMONSON, ANGEL UNZUETA and others • Cover by ETHAN VAN SCIVER and WAYNE FAUCHER
It’s Batman vs. The Joker – with Impulse caught in the middle! Plus, Impulse battles Kalibak, son of Darkseid – and meets Inertia, the Reverse-Impulse! Featuring art by Ethan Van Sciver, from IMPULSE #50-53!
On sale JUNE 8 • 96 pg, FC, $7.99 US
THIS CLINCHES IT
MY BOY IS COMING BACK TO LIFE IN FLASHPOINT
FUCK YEAH INERTIA
KID ZOOM WHO
On second thought, that may not be such a good thing, considering the writers are more likely to piggyback on Johns’ - or rather, whoever wrote TMFA - characterisation of Thad as a crazed sociopath rather than a poor, sad kid who needs therapy and plenty of hugs…
No, see, I have faith in DC. If they’re reprinting the good things of years past, obviously some new reader will read them and go, “Hey, why can’t y’all write stuff like this again, huh?” (because the new reader will be Southern shut up)
…and then they’ll fire Marc Guggenheim out of a cannon and with that action, Flash: Fastest Man Alive will no longer be canon.
Yes! All this right above me, I want it!
On a more ranty note though, this seems too good to be true to me. DC has bullshitted the Bart Allen fandom too many times now, and I have my doubts. I can’t help it. If it dose come out, and DC doesn’t for some unknown and forever unexplained reason pull the comic, I want it. Really bad. I’ve never gotten to read the Joker issue! I need that thing in my life! T-T I hope that if/when it comes out, it sells through the roof and sends a message to the company, but something tells me this is something the aren’t going to make many of. It will probably only be the people who are already fan’s of the character who will be clambering for it. But if we’re lucky, maybe some people will see Batman and the Joker on the cover and pick it up just for that, then come to find they like this other character sharing their Batman book. Also hopefully it might remind some of the people writing these storys, who these characters were and why we liked them so much.
As for the idea that they will be bringing back Inertia, I wouldn’t be surprised, but thanks to the dead is dead rule I highly doubt it will be Thad, or his more likely to appear counterpart, “Tad”. More likely then not they’re going to go the rout I had really hoped the wouldn’t go, by making Jay turn in to the new Inertia to Irie’s new Impulse. But maybe they will do well with it this time, and fix the mistakes they made with the old Inertia. I’m tired of the fight between the Thawne’s and the Allen’s being this reacquiring thing that can never be undone, (not even with Bart joining the two lines) and the Zooms and the Flash’s. They tried to brake that with Thad and maybe won’t fudge it up with Jay.
I’m sorry I’m such a pessimist. T-T
Okay, Skitsy? Hang on.
This Flashpoint thing is really, really Reverse-Flashtastic. I forsee the reappearance of many evil speedster characters that haven’t been killed, and some of the ones that have. Remember, above everything else, Eobard Thawne is a time traveler.
Impulse #66, Inertia ran directly into the Speed Force and vanished. Where did he go? Why, into the time stream of course! At that point in his life, all Thad wanted was a family to belong to. If Professor Zoom was willing to offer that, don’t you think Thad would take him up on his offer, help him build a Reverse-Flash family? With two time travelers at the wheel, I can see them bringing in earlier versions of Savitar and Christina (Lady Savitar/Flash/Vandal Savage), Rival, re-Zooming Hunter Zoloman and yes, maybe influencing Jai over to their side.
…of course, this is all just hopeful speculation, so no one take me to heart, here.